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September 2004

Yes, still mostly all dead

The celebrities whose babies I'd have, that is. So in considering live ones, heeding my friend's lament on the wasteland of current popular culture, it's really a difficult proposition. If Jon Stewart were a little taller and didn't smoke? He could be on my list. But that's just a sad way to look at things. I might be willing to have Scott Bakula's babies, but on the other hand, it's possible that I just mean Sam Beckett or Captain Archer.

He says I'm a MILF.

Should that be flattering to people? Mothers, I mean? I remember the time I was pushing a stroller with--oh, one of my babies, down a sidewalk in Royal Oak, Michigan (neat little place to spend a day; all the cool kids hang out there) and a guy made some sort of random sexually inappropriate but "flattering" remark about my walk, and his friend then said, and I quote, "Naw man, she's got a baby. You know, loose pussy." That was 7 or 8 years ago. So anyway, last night he tells me I'm totally a MILF, but then follows it up by stating I'd probably also be very attractive to bisexual women. Okay then. I don't mean to imply I'm a dork, but here are the songs I've woken up hearing in my head over the past four days:

Tuesday: Yesterme, Yesteryou, Yesterday--Stevie Wonder
Wednesday: Islands in the Stream--Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton
Thursday: If You Could Read My Mind--Gordon Lightfoot
Friday: We're All Alone--Rita Coolidge

How does this even happen?