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November 2004

November

11.09.2004 This is just weird

I AM ABOUT TO BE CRUDE. FYI.

Wow. Here's a little kid announcing to the world that men do not have the right to use each other for intercourse. Can you just imagine the conversation beforehand?

"Honey, when Mommy and Daddy have sex, Mommy lies down on the bed while Daddy gets on top of her and pushes his peepee inside her special extra (god, what would you even call it? love-opening?)

"But sometimes two very sick men pretend they are like married people, and since men don't have special love-holes, one man shoves his peepee inside the other man's, well, a place that God doesn't want used that way. These men are destroying America, and we have to stop them."

I swear, I was witness to a disturbing conversation a few years ago; some women were discussing a popular christian seminar leader, who instructed people how to have good relationships in their families and marriages. One woman had attended a lecture where she was taught never to use medical terms for sexual organs because children found them titillating. An older child would never be allowed to see a baby of the opposite sex undressed, to help with bathing or changing, because it would be unhealthful for a child to touch a sexual part unlike his own. Through the teen years, children would slowly be introduced to the idea that at some point, men and women touch each other in order to honor God in their marriage, but there was to be no sexual instruction until the night before the wedding.

That particular group believes fervently in the evil of same-sex relationships, but it seems to me they're nearly promoting the idea.

Anyway, I can just imagine telling my 8 year-old, "Homosexuals are attempting to destroy the world, one state at a time."

He'd be all, "But I thought Carson and Kyan seemed like really nice guys!"

"Yes honey, but they like to have bad sex, which is bad for America, and we only believe in having good sex, where a man lies on top of a woman and..."

"Can I go play PlayStation now?"