Here's my on-the-spot recap for a Boston Legal episode I watched tonight. So, feel free to not read it if you are one of the non-TV-watching snobs I know. :-)
This was written while I watched the show just now, and I didn't edit it or anything, just felt like sharing my impressions.
So, I'm watching Boston Legal for the first time since the first episode. I am watching it because there is a character that began this season who is played by an actor I developed a crush on this afternoon.
Apparently, regular viewers of this show do not like this character, because he's like some other characters on the show. Like I care.
So far, I see that William Shatner's face just keeps getting wider. Also, he no longer has a neck. I understand that with the advent of the blue pill, some women might want to have sex with 70 year-olds, but I don't think I could do that with one who has a really wide face and no neck. Because, extrapolate.
The reason I didn't watch this show after the first episode is because I forgot about it, then thought it wasn't on anymore, then thought I really had enough TV shows to be getting on with. But it seems like a fun show.
Tom Selleck is on it now, with a horrid beard. It's so gay, like he's not even trying anymore. And he's wearing a lavender tie. Hilarious. But hey, to quote the late James Brown, "this is America, baby, live how you wanna live." I don't care; I just wish people could be honest about who they really are. Anyway.
He's talking with Candice Bergen, who is 60, and about a thousand times hotter than James T. Kirk. By which I mean, she actually really is.
Tom is suing her about something.
And now a young prisoner is being talked at by another lawyer person, who appears to be complaining about my crush. My crush is supposedly one of these lawyers who thinks very well of himself and is all about the self-esteem and promotion. This lawyer says that's bad, m'kay? But the prisoner sort of glared and said nothing.
Now here is that hot little person who had those great scenes with Dr. House a couple of weeks ago. She and Denny Crane, who is Shatner, are fighting each other, but are hot for each other, of course.
Now Candice and Tom are arguing because Tom got Alan for a lawyer, who is one of the partners, of course, so there is a conflict of interest. Her name is Shirley, by the way. Odo is there, too, but I'm not sure what he's about. His name is Paul, and he seems to be in charge of something. Tom's wife is crying because he is leaving her. Tom's wife wants to know about Tom and Candice together, and the camera work is annoying me. Candice is also going to represent her.
This is all terribly confusing.
Now, the lawyer person and the crush one are in front of a judge, about the prisoner. However, the camera work is still annoying, so I'm not following it that closely.
It's clear that these people live in a closed loop world where they just argue against or sleep with each other in varying combinations. Eventually I'll figure out the finer points. But my impression is that this new person the viewers disdain may be an attempt to open the loop. It's only been 15 minutes, though, so what do I know?
Coho, my crush, is arguing with a receptionist that he needs to see a therapist, and he's doing it in this cool way, by yelling that the doctor told everything he said, thereby ensuring he'll get in so they can shut him up.
So Curtis Armstrong is the doctor, and he got old and normal looking and sort of chubby. Good haircut, tiresome beard. Apparently some plot about that prisoner boy is being revealed, but I have no idea. It freaked out Coho, though.
Now the little lady is arguing with Denny's lawyer about the date she had with old Denny, which is why she's suing him. He was rude to her, I guess. But apparently, when they met on the internet, she never said she was a dwarf, and that seems like a sort of sticking point. It's a pretty good scene, actually. But, dude, he's twice her age, right? And, of course, he probably never mentioned he's really an ass, so it seems to go both ways.
Wow, James Spader (Alan) must be super short. And Tom is wearing a horribly suit. So Shirley and Alan are arguing about Tom and his wife and I dunno. It was snarky, apparently.
Coho is expositing now. I still think he's cute.
He has figured out something to help this prisoner go free, that is all convoluted and whatever, but I guess it's good. He's Mr. Slick. It's kind of hilarious. The prisoner won't give the right to look at his therapist's records, so I guess that's bad.
Now Denny is supposed to apologize to the little lady.
And Coho's associate is talking to a bizarre creature who reminds me of Edna Mode, only extra feminine, and also a ripoff of a guy on another show I watched recently, maybe SVU, except that one wasn't a Peeping Tom. It turns out his name is Lincoln, and he's a recurring character. He's kind of awesome, actually.
Alan is cxing Candice about sleeping with Tom. She said, "it wasn't his best work." Heh. Geez, Spader is short. He reminds me of this one weatherman back home who was chubby until he did NutraSystem and started appearing in commercials for it. Only before the NutraSystem. So anyway, she didn't know Tom was still with his wife when she did it, though, and that's why she's representing his wife in his case against her, which I know makes no sense but that's how it is. Tom's face is getting really wide, too, and he has on way too much makeup. He hasn't had any surgery, though. This is a really funny scene. If you could see it, you'd laugh, too. They're all arguing with each other in court while the judge just watches, like People's Court only with smart people.
Now Denny is apologizing to the little lady about being rude. She agrees to let it go if he helps her with a case. See? More lawyers. That is all there are in this universe.
He just asked her to undress. She declined.
Candice is telling Odo about faling apart in court. And then there's a TV thing only I don't get it.
Now (man, I need to know her name,) the little lady is arguing about her case to an insurance person with Denny nearby. The guy just called Denny a prop, which totally didn't work. But he's going to go to court with her. His voice sounds funny when he talks down to her. I think it's the no-neck-having issue.
Now Tom's wife is on the stand, and concerned for her dog's puppies. Spader is a turtle. But cute somehow. Tom and Candice are arguing in judge's chambers, and he says she's in love with him. She disagrees. He says if she comes back to him, his wife can have all his stuff. But she says no. So he says he'll do it if she goes to dinner with him. This is dorky. But at least the puppies will have a good home.
Coho and some chicks are talking about the case with the guy, you know, the one, with the therapist and so forth. He has really big sideburns. Coho, not the client. They amuse me. The sideburns, I mean.
So Neelix is the dad of the guy in jail, and his mom appears to be Peg Bundy, and just like everyone else on this show, they are arguing. The dad is testifying against the son, and no one understands why. And his wife is challenging his manhood. Because it's all about that, of course.
Bethany is the little lady's name. Whew. She's so pretty. And there's the other partner, whose name I don't know. They are helping her take on the HMO she's fighting. And Denny Crane is telling her he's a jerk to all women, but her fiestiness with the insurance guy turned him on.
Now Candice is asking Alan why he represented Tom against her. He's not really telling her. He'd be great if he didn't have the speech pattern of an old man in a 1930s movie. He flattered her, though. He's hot for her. He still has a nice face for a turtle, but no. She can so do better. And now she's at dinner with Tom, who is wearing a bright pink tie with his beard. Heh. I mean his facial hair. It's a decent tie; much better than the other one.
She is rejecting him. He's rebuffing her rejection. She's standing firm, and walking out. It's sort of sweet. Because they're both good, and there's background music to tell us it's deep.
Now here are Denny and Alan on their roof with their drinks and cigars and their banter. Clear your throat, Alan. Denny's tie is so utterly crap, especially with his mid-90s shirt. He says things about Bethany, and then there she is between them, to provide the punchline. And then she exits so they can click glasses to the ending music.
I guess I'll keep watching it. Smart and smarmy can overcome lack of depth and story any day of the week. And I figured out everyone's name except that one boring lawyer guy, so I suppose I can work out some of the plot eventually, if there turns out to be one.