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January 2007

QotD: Take Me Back

If you were told you could relive a moment in your life, which would you choose?
Submitted by Slight Diffusion.

Five Great Moments To Relive:

(well, really, you couldn't expect me to just choose one, could you?)

1. Pulling my (eventual) husband down in the mud on the banks of the Blue River in Kansas City for our first kiss.

2. Stepping out of Penn Station for the first time, to face 7th Avenue, in New York. The energy overwhelmed me. It was incredible.

3. My first full view of Lake Michigan, at Silver Beach in St. Joseph, Michigan.

4. The moment any one of my six children was first laid on my chest after birth.

5. A story about a tiny perfect moment. The husband and I wandered around the city one day about 18 months ago, I think, looking at some stuff we hadn't bothered to check out before, while I took photos on my my new camera phone. We found the U.N. building, and a couple of interesting bridges, and then wandered west from the East River back toward the train station.  We saw a diner called Gemini, so that was fun for a photo, but it didn't look like a great place for a snack before riding home. Then we saw Benjamin, on 2nd Avenue. We have a son named Benjamin, so it seemed like a perfect place to stop in. It's a bar and restaurant. When we got inside, we saw the TV was turned to the Mets game. That was worth another smile, since we get tired of encountering the Yankees wherever we go around home, and also, our son Ben is the one who turned us all into Mets fans, the year before.

My favorite pitcher, Tom Glavine, was on the mound and doing well. I ordered a gimlet, only about the third time I'd gotten one in a restaurant. It was cool because I'd never ordered one directly from a bartender before. He was happy to make it to my particular specifications, and when I took the first sip, I swear I closed my eyes just like those awful women I hate in movies, who have horrible blonde hair and false eyelashes and--you realize I'm talking about if someone like Angie Dickinson played an alcoholic in about 1972, right?

But I am the very model of all things in moderation, and it was just a perfect drink, in a perfect little setting. I hope to collect more singular moments in the year to come. Sometimes you just have to go out and make them, you know?

Tag-a-long this way

Alex tagged me in her blog, to name 5 interesting facts about me.

Geez. Interesting is in the eye of the beholder, isn't it?!

   1. My friend got me a gift subscription to Glamour magazine for Christmas. This might not sound that interesting, but if you knew me, you'd get a giggle out of that. The first issue just came. I do like the pin the girl on the cover is wearing, though I'm not sure I'd have an occasion for it. And soon I'm going to be learning some Great news about my health! and also, Men's Most Taboo Thoughts. Whoo! I will be sure to report back on that.

   2. This is my 17th residence since age 16. I hate that very much. I had lived in my previous house since the age of 5. But it feels almost as though I've been moving continuously ever since we left there.

   3. I have never uttered a certain scatological term, nor have I ever written it. Please don't ask me if it is [x] because I won't like seeing it in my blog and it will upset me.

   4. This is probably not interesting, but I like to read books aloud and make silly or odd voices for all the characters, as well as use a distinctly separate narrative style. I've never really had a desire to act, though.

   5. When I was 17, I saw a soft-core porn film at a movie theater. It was called Flesh Gordon. I didn't know I was going to see a porn film. I was hanging around that week with these two boys named Craig and Mark, and some other friends, and one night, after the others had gone home, we drove to a movie place, it might have been in KCK, maybe on Rainbow Blvd (hee! but I don't remember for sure,) to see that movie. I was a little shocked, but mostly worried I'd get in trouble for being under 18. Which, that ticket taker couldn't possibly have cared less.
I only remember a few things about the experience. One was that there were guns shaped like penises. There was some sort of orgy, and it was fabulously tacky. And, a man a few seats down from me was having a very good time all by himself.

It was toward the end of senior year, and I didn't hang out with them much after that. Maybe they didn't think I was cool enough. I remember that Craig's family had an Apple II, which I got to see one time. And I read awhile back that Mark is a counselor, I think, at that high school or another in the town.I don't have as many high school memories as I should, or as many crazy ones as I should. At least, not the fun kind. You there, go make some crazy fun memories, you hear me?

Tag, you're it:


Vox Hunt: Big Screen Smooch

Video: Show us your favorite on-screen kiss.
Submitted by sami711.

"Now, you listen to me! I don’t want any plastics, and I don’t want any ground floors, and I don’t want to get married, ever - to anyone! You understand that? I want to do what I want to do."

The trivia notes for It's A Wonderful Life at imdb.com state this: "James Stewart was nervous about the phone scene kiss because it was his first screen kiss since his return to Hollywood after the war. Under Capra's watchful eye, Stewart filmed the scene in only one unrehearsed take, and it worked so well that part of the embrace was cut because it was too passionate to pass the censors."

I'm still looking for a picture of that. I only have this one. :-(

QotD: Call The Fashion Police

You must have been a fashion victim at least once in your life. What hideous blunder did you commit? 
Submitted by Tina

Well...I don't want to sound like a jerk, but I can't think of any hideous blunders. There were times when I followed fashions that weren't all that tasteful, particularly in late high school when there were too many details on clothing, and some of the fabrics were not nice. But what I wore also coordinated with itself, at least. I knew how to put together an ensemble, including the right cute shoes. :-)

Mostly I did my own thing, like Adam Ant: "we don't follow fashion; that'd be a joke, you know we're gonna set them, set them, so everyone can take note take note." (I did not dress like a pirate, but I did like some of the new wave ideas for fashion.) There were times when I got to set fashion within my little sphere, although briefly. That was fun.

The Flashdance look was sort of dumb, but I didn't go all out for it. I did have ripped sweatshirts and black leather jazz Capezios. I'd still wear the shoes, but not the sweatshirt! And I went for a more severe continental look in my late teens and early 20s.

As a young mom, I never wandered around the grocery store with an oversized sweater over leggings. And I never wore oxford shirts or turtlenecks under sweatshirts with bears or whatever stenciled on them. I don't understand why women have children and then either turn into demented kindergarten teachers or become sort of whorish-looking. There are still plenty of other options between the extremes.


I'd always rather talk about what we did right rather than what we did wrong, but perhaps that's just me.  There are plenty of looks I enjoyed at the time that I don't regret now even though they no longer suit me. I loved my big Annie Hall-style wardrobe that my mom made for me in junior high. Since she made it all for me, it was a more pulled-together look, rather than the more random look in the movie. I loved the linen afternoon shifts I wore when I was about 18, severely cut with an unusual neckline, buttons down the back, etc. And I loved that last brief period in my 30s when I could wear little plaid skirts and knee sock without looking like I'd entered arrested development.

After all, I no longer look like this:

Last year I was really into color for the first time in awhile. Here's me modelling my husband's new job interview ties:

It occured to me finally that ties are just such a great way for a man to add life to his wardrobe. Women sometimes do that with scarfs, but I feel uncomfortable wearing them. Right now I'm in a drab mood again, but perhaps I'll pull out of it by springtime.

QotD: [this is so good]

What's the best thing since sliced bread?

No one thing! I do not operate that way!

Here is a list, as usual. :-)

Coke Blak, which is getting increasingly difficult to find. I wish we had the French formula here. Maybe it would have been more successful? I think I'd like it even better, as it wouldn't have the trace of aspartame, which is usually on my "no way no how" list.

This heating pad strapped around my waist.

House--don't tell me it's not an invention. Please. Dr. House counts on every list.

iPods--I had a beautiful little blue mini that is now sadly gone. Someday I will have another.

DVR, of course, but this would be even better.

QotD: Send For Help! Or Not...

You're trapped in a (temporarily) out of order elevator - who would you like to be trapped with? 
Submitted by tbtissimus.

Someone good-looking, funny, and maybe in possession of some snacks and a puzzle book? Guess I'd like to be trapped with myself! ::rimshot::

A more interesting question would be who would I not want to be trapped in an elevator with. But that's not relevant here.

Okay, okay. But honestly, does this question imply that if I were trapped with a celebrity (because why would you choose someone you already know? You can be trapped with them any old time,) all my fantasies involving said celebrity would come true? Because, sadly, I am too pragmatic about this sort of game and can only conclude that would not happen, unless a) there really were also snacks and water enough to sustain us for b) some lengthy amount of time in which we'd both temporarily fall for each other and also perhaps need to stay close for warmth.

Under those circumstances, then, well, I couldn't choose Craig Ferguson, because I can only see him in that awful elevator skit he does, plus he's been frustrating me lately, and I couldn't choose Hugh Laurie, because he'd just go into some fit of nicotine withdrawal, which, ugh, and I couldn't choose Chris Meloni, because frankly, he seems like he's probably kind of an oddball in real life.

So then under any set of circumstances, who really would be fun and funny yet not talk incessantly, and also not just turn annoying or fretful about the situation?  Probably this would be a female, and I can think of several candidates, yet who would want to pass up the chance to be trapped with a clean-smelling, trim member of the opposite sex at least 4 inches taller than me? I would, of course, want to enjoy looking at the person I was trapped with.

Probably Steve Martin. Unless he turned out to be one of those people who was too busy to be bothered with being stuck somewhere for a few hours, because then he'd just be a drag.

Okay, that's who I pick.

QotD: Forward My Mail

In which fictional world/universe/land/city would you most like to live?
Submitted by glenn is the new chuck.  

Gee whiz. People sure like to narrow life down to one choice, don't they? I think I'll have to submit a question that doesn't do that, for the rest of us.

Here are some worlds that come to mind:

  • The world of Bertie Wooster. In this world, I'd be eternally around 28, I suppose, world-wise but still youthful enough to enjoy colorful cocktails and dresses that end above the knee. I'd help Jeeves get Bertie back on track from time to time, and substitute as a dinner companion at functions when he's in the middle of some squabble with all his cousins and ex-fiancees. I'd laugh at aunts and be soothing to uncles.
  • The world of The Dark is Rising. I'm not sure what role I'd play in this world; mostly I'd just like to be there, you know? I'd have to be either young enough or old enough to understand how things are, and not any of the annoying ages in the middle where people are too sensible to believe in extraordinary circumstances.
  • The world of Jane Austen's Regency England. I'm afraid I'd have to be at least landed gentry in this world, and preferably somewhat rich, as well. I wouldn't need to be as rich as Emma, just rich enough that not all my time would be consumed by finding a proper husband, yet not so rich that every improper young man would be trying to marry me.
  • The world of Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Cameron and Cuddy? Move along politely, and there won't be trouble.
  • The world of Harry Potter. Well, come on now, who wouldn't, really? However, I'd have to move Tonks aside for a clear path to Remus Lupin.

Notes on the Golden Globes

Yes, this is quite long. It was written to share with one person in particular, as though we'd be taking turns commenting. But some of it may be interesting to others. There are no hyperlinks because, let's face it, it's only a temporary flight into the TV, not something worth meaningful effort.

Allrighty then. Here I am, ready to comment away. I hope you're somewhere out there taking notes, though I suspect not! But that's okay! Also, I am having a Guinness, because I've only had 1/2 of a muscle relaxer today, and I'm in a great deal of pain and so. There we are. Let's plug in the heating pad and get started!

Last year, we both fell in love with Drunk!Clooney, and reaffirmed Hugh Laurie reverence. What will tonight's festivities bring?

Ooh, Rosanna Arquette! Was that last year? Yikes. She's too young to be visiting Joan Rivers' plastic surgeon.

Did they put George first so he'd be sober? That's kind of a disappointment. He looks perfect, of course.

I think he had some dental work done, though. He sounds toothy.

Jennifer Hudson; great dress, except maybe the sleeves. Stop talking now, honey.

I didn't know Justin Timberlake was Mr Tumnus. Oops waiting on the teleprompter, but good recovery with that Prince thing.

There's that guy from Drive Me Crazy. He looks exactly the same.

Is Jeremy Pivens ever not with his mom? I know she's an acting coach, but also?

Jeremy Irons has turned into Kenny Loggins. He's still awesome, of course. But is his shirtfront embroidered, or covered in blood? The frock coat is cool, but lends credence to the blood theory.

Naomi Watts really knows how to walk. But part of her dress seems to be missing up top. About two inches more across the top would make it seem more like a dress and less like a Christmas tree skirt. I do like the fabric, probably.

Renee Zellweger's dress is very cool. She and Kyra should go shopping together for face powder. They could practice opening their eyes wider in the makeup counter mirror.

What's wrong with Tony Collette again? Sometimes she fixes herself up, and then seems to lose track again.

I like Emily Blunt's dress. Well, the top 2/3 anyway. She's sort of dim, isn't she?

Oh. Yay.

The music of House makes Hugh Laurie's walk seem so dramatic. And he should give all the speeches, I think. Except he was nervous and went a bit long, didn't he?

Wow, Charlie Sheen needs a tailor, stat! What's the deal there?

What's that thing on Steve Carell's lapel? It looks like a blue jigsaw puzzle piece. Has he always looked just like Molly Shannon?

Swing away, Merrill!

Oh, and Meryl. For some reason, I'm starting to like her now. But my son says she looks like she's melting. Which, kind of. Okay, Reese Witherspoon looks really cute. She seems to wear separation well. Streep is being a bit long-winded, so I'm distracted now.

After 15 years, Ben Stiller, I know how big your ears are. Please stop wearing your hair that way.

Salma Hayek looks grand in her Cleopatra dress.

I hope I get to see Elizabeth I. They keep showing Annette Bening. I want her to loan her powder compact to Sedgwick and Zellweger.

Mark Wahlberg has old people ears. How odd.

Nice tie, Eddie Murphy. And nice lapels. I'd forgotten how normal you often seem. Maybe I'll see that movie sometime.

Whoa, wait, Prince? You show up late and then put your hand over the camera lens? Dude, that's just not cool.

Monochromatic blondes are sort of boring me this year. And Sarah Jessica Parker's little girl stance is really done, I think. Stand up straight and put on some lipstick, dearie.

Why isn't Matthew Perry really really handsome? He's sort of odd, really, like almost oh! but then oh, no then.

Both Gillian Anderson and Annette Bening just get better and better looking. I like that about those two. Of course they couldn't win against Helen Mirren this year, but they should feel glad to lose to the one no one could win against this year.

Cameron Diaz looks even more ridiculous than usual. I mean, sure, I don't like her at all anyway, but she makes it too easy.

Great dress as usual on Hilary Swank. I'd wear that one myself. And I like the hair pin. But honestly, nearly every one of these women has either too much color on their lips or not enough.

What what what? What's this guy from The Queen all about? Hah, they kicked him off early for starting a dreadful political speech! My daughter said he was saying cool stuff. But here's the thing. She's 15. She doesn't understand yet that we didn't turn on this show to be preached to. We turned it on to see what people are wearing and to cheer and jeer.

Here's Vanessa Williams and Tim Allen. He needs to button his shirt, really. She has a sort of basket of hair attached to her head, but it looks okay, I guess.

Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, the Hero guy, and some other people are also wearing puzzle pieces on their lapels. Hah, they're letting Baldwin talk way longer than the Queen guy.

Oh. Poor Geena Davis.

Ugly Betty makes absolutely no sense to me so I choose to ignore it.

Some bits got lost here in part two, because I did a dumb thing. Too bad, don't remember, whatever.

Oh, well done, Drew Barrymore. That is a strapless dress to be proud of. She looks very nice. But Hugh Grant and his hair are another matter. Did he look in a mirror this month? If he were a 20 year-old girl, I'd make fun of him for having sex hair.

Ooh, Mary-Louise Parker has those evil eyes with no eyeballs in the sockets! That must have happened when that guy dumped her while she was pregnant.

All these women are crying while America Ferrera gives her speech. It's sweet, I suppose, but the frayed hem of her sleeve is distracting me.

Lifetime Achievement Award, yes yes, clap clap. It was interesting but I had to remake my bed during it and now I'm exhausted. Warren Beatty has always given these sort of slightly distracted stream-of-consciousness speeches.

I have nothing to say about Dustin Hoffman. He seems the same as ever.

Wow, look how Steven Spielberg looks tall next to Martin Scorsese!

Reese Witherspoon is so cute. Why didn't she brush her hair, though?

[really annoying unfunny individual]

I kind of love Aaron Eckhart. He was in another of these movies I didn't get to see. But it's coming up on the Netflix list soon.

Jennifer Lopez looks great. Gee. Okay, so the main reason I haven't been interested in Dreamgirls is because people are all falalalahoohah about it. I don't like watching the audience around me "feel good" and I don't like being told a movie about entertainment will change how I see stuff in real life. Shut up and leave me alone.

Oh, you silly Shonda Rimes. You always overdo it, and I never mind.

Forest Whitaker. Sounds like it never crossed his mind that he might have to get on stage and say stuff. It would be cute if it wasn't almost 11 o'clock now. Instead, it's just a little strange.

The drama must be more important than the comedy because it's last and because the governor is giving it out.

Vox Hunt: This Goes Out To All The Lovers

Audio:  Share a great love song.

Now see, this is one of those questions I can't possibly just answer simply.

First and foremost, there are two that have to stand above the rest in my personal life.

Halo by Depeche Mode:

And when our worlds they fall apart
When the walls come tumbling in
Though we may deserve it
It will be worth it

and Under the Milky Way by The Church:

And it’s something quite peculiar
Something shimmering and white
Leads you here despite your destination
Under the Milky Way tonight

Wish I knew what you were looking for
Might have known what you would find
Wish I knew what you were looking for
Might have known what you would find

Then, of course, there's pretty much all of Frank Sinatra's Songs for Swingin' Lovers. I'm going to try html to share the picture, since Vox formatting is ruining my layout.

I'd have to also include Girl With Grey Eyes by Big Country, And wow, Peter Murphy, starting with Mirror To My Woman's Mind:

You were right
I was gone
When you said that the fight was on
With one look I was yours
The things you gave
The things I took
See that star?
In the sky
It's a mirror to my woman's
Let me burn in her fire
In that mirror to my woman's mind

And, of course, Sweetest Drop:

I think about you all day
Calling the sacred first
Rolling sunlit day
Give me what I thirst

Drop the sweetest drop
Give the thunder up
Rocking to the top
Sensor none the shame
Cling no more to shame
Ring me in the morning
Take me, take me in the rain
Oh come with me
Yeah come with me
Concur and swallow me
Explode secrete your tender
Let's scream out like the sea

This brings to mind a few other songs that send England far, far from my thoughts:

Call Me Irresponsible and I'm Beginning to See the Light by Bobby Darin, and I've Grown Accustomed to Her Face by Dean Martin. All these songs were recorded by other artists, as well, but these versions are the ones that send me.

It might be cliche, but I still believe that At Last by Etta James is the world's greatest pop song.

But ultimately, I'm going to have to go with this, because of special memories it evokes:

Vox Hunt: Gone

Show us a photo of something that's gone now.

My brother and I really didn't look quite so East Kentucky hillbilly most of the time. Blame the light, the Polaroid camera, and my mom's somewhat odd sense of humor, for the most part. My brother was in 7th grade when he broke his arm, which means I must have been in 1st grade here, in May, 1971.

The house in Greenwood is what's gone. We lived there from September 1970 to Summer of 1981. It was sold after my parents divorced, and my mom and I moved to a fun little townhouse in South Kansas City. The last time I saw it, it had been painted French Country Blue, and had all sorts of "decorative" objects hanging all around it. About 18 months or so later, my mom got a call telling her to turn on the 10 o'clock news, but not to tell me (more on that later.) Our house was in full flame, and the firefighters were doing their level best to hasten its demise.

Some paint cans had caught fire in the garage--you can see the open door to it in the photo--and the poorly trained volunteer firefighters, instead of approaching the fire from the inside, blew it through the house by trying to put it out from the outside wall.

It was a landmark, of sorts, even though it had been modernized in 1965. The street was named after the builders 100 years before, and, as with all big old homes in the area, had a rumor attached to it that Harry Truman had eaten lunch there. President Truman, I mean.

Now there are a number of tiny tract houses on the property, some sitting far too close to the road, and I wouldn't even recognize the land I once spent my days wandering through if I saw it in a photograph...

The large box approximates our yard, and the small one our house. That road on the left and beneath weren't there, of course. And for the first few years, that whole space below our yard was a big hay field that I played in, except on the left, where there was a small wood. I once found an old porn magazine in that wood. I was old enough to find it at least mildly titillating, so I guess we had at least 5 years before things began to change, though certainly not as much as they changed after the house burned down.

One other thing; if you follow the arrow about 1/3 down the red line, you get to the spot where I once planted a peach tree for Arbor Day. It had just reached fruiting age the year before we moved. And we moved about a month before the second fruit season, when I would have been able to pick and eat my own peaches. Such has been the pattern of my life ever since. I seriously hope that is about to change.

Boston Legal

Here's my on-the-spot recap for a Boston Legal episode I watched tonight. So, feel free to not read it if you are one of the non-TV-watching snobs I know. :-)

This was written while I watched the show just now, and I didn't edit it or anything, just felt like sharing my impressions.

So, I'm watching Boston Legal for the first time since the first episode. I am watching it because there is a character that began this season who is played by an actor I developed a crush on this afternoon.

Apparently, regular viewers of this show do not like this character, because he's like some other characters on the show. Like I care.

So far, I see that William Shatner's face just keeps getting wider. Also, he no longer has a neck. I understand that with the advent of the blue pill, some women might want to have sex with 70 year-olds, but I don't think I could do that with one who has a really wide face and no neck. Because, extrapolate.

The reason I didn't watch this show after the first episode is because I forgot about it, then thought it wasn't on anymore, then thought I really had enough TV shows to be getting on with. But it seems like a fun show.

Tom Selleck is on it now, with a horrid beard. It's so gay, like he's not even trying anymore. And he's wearing a lavender tie. Hilarious. But hey, to quote the late James Brown, "this is America, baby, live how you wanna live." I don't care; I just wish people could be honest about who they really are. Anyway.

He's talking with Candice Bergen, who is 60, and about a thousand times hotter than James T. Kirk. By which I mean, she actually really is.

Tom is suing her about something.

And now a young prisoner is being talked at by another lawyer person, who appears to be complaining about my crush. My crush is supposedly one of these lawyers who thinks very well of himself and is all about the self-esteem and promotion. This lawyer says that's bad, m'kay? But the prisoner sort of glared and said nothing.

Now here is that hot little person who had those great scenes with Dr. House a couple of weeks ago. She and Denny Crane, who is Shatner, are fighting each other, but are hot for each other, of course.

Now Candice and Tom are arguing because Tom got Alan for a lawyer, who is one of the partners, of course, so there is a conflict of interest. Her name is Shirley, by the way. Odo is there, too, but I'm not sure what he's about. His name is Paul, and he seems to be in charge of something. Tom's wife is crying because he is leaving her. Tom's wife wants to know about Tom and Candice together, and the camera work is annoying me. Candice is also going to represent her.

This is all terribly confusing.

Now, the lawyer person and the crush one are in front of a judge, about the prisoner. However, the camera work is still annoying, so I'm not following it that closely.

It's clear that these people live in a closed loop world where they just argue against or sleep with each other in varying combinations. Eventually I'll figure out the finer points. But my impression is that this new person the viewers disdain may be an attempt to open the loop. It's only been 15 minutes, though, so what do I know?

Coho, my crush, is arguing with a receptionist that he needs to see a therapist, and he's doing it in this cool way, by yelling that the doctor told everything he said, thereby ensuring he'll get in so they can shut him up.

So Curtis Armstrong is the doctor, and he got old and normal looking and sort of chubby. Good haircut, tiresome beard. Apparently some plot about that prisoner boy is being revealed, but I have no idea. It freaked out Coho, though.

Now the little lady is arguing with Denny's lawyer about the date she had with old Denny, which is why she's suing him. He was rude to her, I guess. But apparently, when they met on the internet, she never said she was a dwarf, and that seems like a sort of sticking point. It's a pretty good scene, actually. But, dude, he's twice her age, right? And, of course, he probably never mentioned he's really an ass, so it seems to go both ways.

Wow, James Spader (Alan) must be super short. And Tom is wearing a horribly suit. So Shirley and Alan are arguing about Tom and his wife and I dunno. It was snarky, apparently.

Coho is expositing now. I still think he's cute.

He has figured out something to help this prisoner go free, that is all convoluted and whatever, but I guess it's good. He's Mr. Slick. It's kind of hilarious. The prisoner won't give the right to look at his therapist's records, so I guess that's bad.

Now Denny is supposed to apologize to the little lady.

And Coho's associate is talking to a bizarre creature who reminds me of Edna Mode, only extra feminine, and also a ripoff of a guy on another show I watched recently, maybe SVU, except that one wasn't a Peeping Tom. It turns out his name is Lincoln, and he's a recurring character. He's kind of awesome, actually.

Alan is cxing Candice about sleeping with Tom. She said, "it wasn't his best work." Heh. Geez, Spader is short. He reminds me of this one weatherman back home who was chubby until he did NutraSystem and started appearing in commercials for it. Only before the NutraSystem. So anyway, she didn't know Tom was still with his wife when she did it, though, and that's why she's representing his wife in his case against her, which I know makes no sense but that's how it is. Tom's face is getting really wide, too, and he has on way too much makeup. He hasn't had any surgery, though. This is a really funny scene. If you could see it, you'd laugh, too. They're all arguing with each other in court while the judge just watches, like People's Court only with smart people.

Now Denny is apologizing to the little lady about being rude. She agrees to let it go if he helps her with a case. See? More lawyers. That is all there are in this universe.

He just asked her to undress. She declined.

Candice is telling Odo about faling apart in court. And then there's a TV thing only I don't get it.

Now (man, I need to know her name,) the little lady is arguing about her case to an insurance person with Denny nearby. The guy just called Denny a prop, which totally didn't work. But he's going to go to court with her. His voice sounds funny when he talks down to her. I think it's the no-neck-having issue.

Now Tom's wife is on the stand, and concerned for her dog's puppies. Spader is a turtle. But cute somehow. Tom and Candice are arguing in judge's chambers, and he says she's in love with him. She disagrees. He says if she comes back to him, his wife can have all his stuff. But she says no. So he says he'll do it if she goes to dinner with him. This is dorky. But at least the puppies will have a good home.

Coho and some chicks are talking about the case with the guy, you know, the one, with the therapist and so forth. He has really big sideburns. Coho, not the client. They amuse me. The sideburns, I mean.

So Neelix is the dad of the guy in jail, and his mom appears to be Peg Bundy, and just like everyone else on this show, they are arguing. The dad is testifying against the son, and no one understands why. And his wife is challenging his manhood. Because it's all about that, of course.
Bethany is the little lady's name. Whew. She's so pretty. And there's the other partner, whose name I don't know. They are helping her take on the HMO she's fighting. And Denny Crane is telling her he's a jerk to all women, but her fiestiness with the insurance guy turned him on.

Now Candice is asking Alan why he represented Tom against her. He's not really telling her. He'd be great if he didn't have the speech pattern of an old man in a 1930s movie. He flattered her, though. He's hot for her. He still has a nice face for a turtle, but no. She can so do better. And now she's at dinner with Tom, who is wearing a bright pink tie with his beard. Heh. I mean his facial hair. It's a decent tie; much better than the other one.

She is rejecting him. He's rebuffing her rejection. She's standing firm, and walking out. It's sort of sweet. Because they're both good, and there's background music to tell us it's deep.

Now here are Denny and Alan on their roof with their drinks and cigars and their banter. Clear your throat, Alan. Denny's tie is so utterly crap, especially with his mid-90s shirt. He says things about Bethany, and then there she is between them, to provide the punchline. And then she exits so they can click glasses to the ending music.

I guess I'll keep watching it. Smart and smarmy can overcome lack of depth and story any day of the week. And I figured out everyone's name except that one boring lawyer guy, so I suppose I can work out some of the plot eventually, if there turns out to be one.

Call it, nurse

Here's the list of words from 2006 to be banished, according to those guys at Lake Superior State University.

I think we can do better, or at least fill out the list. These are a few I'd include, and I'd enjoy your thoughts on the matter as well.

  • "lawyer/ed up." Frankly, I've heard this or "fill-in-the-blank/ed up" so many times this year, I even want Captain Cragen (did you friend him on MySpace yet, Chicken?) to stop saying it. When they first used that term on the Law & Orders, lo these many years ago, it sounded sharp and "insider" clever. But the usage grew and grew, and to my mind, suddenly spun out of control this year, to the point where even when I hear it in the original context, I wince.
  • "bump," as in "baby bump," sported by pregnant celebrities too precious to just look like they're expecting, like everyone else. Bump sounds like lump, anyway. It's kind of gross.
  • "chops" is done. I'm sorry, those of you who still use it, but no. I don't want to hear about who has chops and who lacks chops. And frankly, you're not exactly an expert (not even you, sweetie,) on what comprises a set of these "chops," anyway. No more chops. Chops is an unpleasant-sounding word. Chops. See, I'm trying to impress upon you the diseuphonic (I made that word up) tone of chops, by typing it over and over again. Then you'll stop saying it. Also, don't threaten to bust any more of them, because that's just as annoying.
  • "get your [whatever] on"--wouldn't you think this would be really, really over now? It's not, though, and Justin Timberlake, I'm looking at you. Cut it out.